Dear Obnoxious Party Guest,
Thank you so much for coming to my party last night! It would never have been as entertaining or such a pain-in-the-ass to clean up if you hadn't shown up shouting, "_______ IS HERE NOW LET'S GET THIS PAAARTAYYYY STAAAARRRRRTED!!!!!!!!" Not only did that burst my ear drum, but I also got a nice tidal wave of saliva splashing my face. I didn't really want to go swimming, but what are you going to do? You really know how to mingle with the guests too. I believe you only shouted and spit on 5 of them, but I'm afraid you harrassed at least 17. I think people truly appreciated being called by what they were wearing instead of by their name. Did I tell you I also really enjoyed watching you flop like a fish on the dance floor when you were trying to do the worm? I can honestly say that I have never laughed so hard. Oh wait, I laughed even harder when you leaned in to give me a hug and spilled your drink all over me and the couch. That was hilarious. Do you know what else was funny? When you finally hauled your badonk out of my house! You didn't think that was funny? Oh, I'm sorry. I laughed. And cried. Sweet, sweet tears of joy and extacy. I can't wait for you to crash the next party! It's sure to be just as great as this one.
Sincerely, Julia Spendio
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